I fixate on the same shit, things that don’t matter much in the bigger picture and/or self inflicted issues because they keep me distracted from the shit that really hurts. Legitimately wondering every day if someone I love is alive or not and having no way to check up on them . Let alone how hard it’s been not having that sisterhood anymore that we had.. let alone not knowing what the fuck is going on, and trying not to feel angry and/or hurt for them going radio silent.
I can’t even write the second thing out. I’ve talked to one friend about and instead of it being cathartic I wish I could pop all those little words right back into my mouth. But it’s fucking killing me and it isn’t going to get better. Anxiety ridden and no clear exit or entrance in sight. I’ve learned I can only do so much to help people be happy, but what I really wish I could do is make people healthy again. I need a fucking hug
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