I need to remember this. One of those this-is-a-bad-side-of-you-and-i-need-to-expect-it-to-rear-its-head-again-one-day-thing. This is possibly PMS, or alcohol, or simply one of those sensitive moments that passes in time and is resolved by a moment of clarity. Am I sad right now because he’s being a dick? Or because I’m realizing this isn’t “it” like I’ve believed it to be? What would this situation look like if the intimacy factor of relationships didn’t exist? Does he respect me? Does he think I’m interesting and wish he knew more about me? Does he look forward to it? A “no” to any of the questions popping into my head would crush me. As of today, I’m over it. Especially in this moment. I want to go home. Do people who have legit found their soulmate, not one of those shitty relationships people ride out as long as they can, have these doubts too? Ones that feel extremely real? So early on before real life challenges are even presented? I simply asked if he could close the door behind him when I’m putting back on clothes after sex. He had company. His response disappointed me. “Why is it my fault?”. What?? I need to address this again. 

He’s said he wants to make sure I don’t feel like he’s using me, and I believe him, or at least I believe that he believes he is not using me. Maybe he is on a subconscious level. But after the girlfriend misunderstanding I think it’s understandable for me to be sensitive to how I am treated after sex. Wait a little to check your Instagram. Close the door behind you if you can’t wait for me to put back on the clothes that I took off so you could fuck me. As of right now, I’m fucking over it. And my green tea pocky are in the cupboard where all the boys are drinking and hanging and my poker face is nonexistent so I don’t want to make a scene. But you know what actually? I’m gonna go get my fucking pocky