i feel like alice in wonderland drowning in my own tears, they keep coming and coming. when a “safe place” gets fucked up the feeling is crushing. someone reassures you for so long that you’re okay, talk you through so many growing pains, but maybe you finally fuck up the way they see you or something and the comfort is no longer there.  i’m already so screwed up and closed when it comes to sexuality and men and i shouldn’t feel like i’ve done something wrong, but i do. i just don’t understand what happened. i had a great weekend, but now i am back and i am sad . still hormonal as fuck for what it’s worth but as of now there are tears all over my face and in my hair so i’m writing about it and letting it out

im just so tired of feeling like some sort of alien who doesn’t understand the world or can’t experience it in the same way other people do or something

It’s funny how long it takes for me to absorb things and understand what’s going on. Feeling really good about something and then realizing once things settle down that it’s actually a really bad thing, or feeling like something is the end of the world and then once things mellow out realizing it’s actually a good thing. That’s what’s happening now. I’m becoming a lot more indifferent than I’ve been the last few days, but looking at the situation now makes me feel like shit. And at first I was stoked, ha. But I’m feeling better otherwise