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Ironically, becoming official has made me way more insecure about where I stand. We’re at an age where marriage and kids is something to actually consider. Not really fucking around you know? I’m so scared he’s going to regret asking me to be his girlfriend. I’m telling you, my heart is going to be so broken I don’t think I would ever be able to put it back together. I love him and the thought of not having him in my life brings immediate tears . I’ve experienced so many beautiful moments the last 5 months and if I could just build and build onto them forever with the same person forever I would be the happiest girl alive

my ex-roommate & i caught up on the phone. it concerns her i guess that B doesn’t give me the butterflies she still gets around her fiancé. she thinks it’s bad that i don’t really experience jealous or possessive feelings, that i’m not riding some sort of emotional rollercoaster, that he’s not on my mind every minute of the day– in her mind, those are things that equate to passion/ love. i think that’s all bullshit

i recently came across this Buddhist quote that says if you predominantly feel butterflies or any other form of agitation/anxiety, it actually doesn’t mean you’re with the right person. you’re supposed to feel more peaceful inside; like everything is how it’s supposed to be. 

time with B feels like finally getting to collapse onto my own bed after a week of crashing on other peoples’ couches. or like one of those slightly breezy days where steady warmth from the sun blankets itself around your bare shoulders, keeping things just warm enough. it’s like discovering a quiet empty room in the midst of some chaotic party and getting to spend a moment alone, just you and your very favorite person. fuck butterflies, those are the feelings i believe in. and i promise you, you won’t ever catch me taking any of it for granted.